Farewell, Sir:

Crazy Dave, as we called you. You were a good guy. You tried hard to fit in, yet never quite seemed to get there. You made inappropriate comments about people's race, sexuality, gender, and yogurt choice (and how that implies a certain sexual preference) to name a few things. You wore shirts with a plethora of different stains on them, be they chocolate, mustard, blood, dirt, and (?). Your face was always eagerly shining throughout the day with the fresh blood that only a vigorous morning shave could give. Your shirts were, more often than not, untucked and exposing the midriff of an overweight aging man. You called me Jared after I had worked one cube over from you for 3 months, and had worked on a few projects with you during that time. You offended, harassed, and otherwise alienated countless people that worked in your department...and yet...you will be missed. For you were the one true "character" of our department here. When people discovered the department I worked in, they would know I was in the company of a hero - a man not bound by rules of political correctness and respect for different lifestyle choices. This is a tribute to the man who is the driving force of all stories "actuarial" in my posession. Take care.